Xu Zhili was slightly stunned.

Xu Lie turned his head to look at Su Hao. The dim candlelight reflected her lost eyes, and a layer of wetness slowly floated up in those eyes.

He pointed at the finger and unknowingly, he squeezed the empty beer can.

Su Hao hugged her calves, put her chin on her knees, and slowly said to Xu Zhili: "Didn't you ask me who is the tattoo on her ankle commemorating?"

"It's my sister, my dear sister."

"She has depression for many years, but I didn't know after she committed suicide."

"...I realized that she was sick and had a very direct connection with me."

"Do you think I didn't have that kind of thought at that time?"

In the suffocation room, Su Hao nodded to himself: "I thought about it."

She lived in her debts that had nowhere to be compensated every day, and woke up from a nightmare in the middle of the night. She thought about it without impulse.

But when the thoughts arise, she feels that it is not possible. She is not qualified to be selfish and leave all the pain to her parents who are more self-blame and guilty than her.

So she told herself that if she needed to accept punishment, the punishment should not be death, but life.

She should live in her guilt and miss her sister for the rest of her life.

Isn’t there a saying? The end of life is not death, but being forgotten. So how long she lives, how long her sister will be remembered by the world.

Although this reason for living sounds ridiculous, it really made her give up on suicide.

But she lived a very bad life for a time.

After her sister passed away, she would have severe stress reactions when she saw the red paint. Her parents did not dare to let her learn to draw anymore, for fear that she would have psychological problems and become her second sister.

For a long time, she lived like a walking corpse, learning bad things and depravity, from a good student with excellent cultural courses and arts to a problematic girl who has nothing to do with excellence, and becomes a confused and looked down upon by others. It seems that this is a kind of atonement.

The grandfather who brought her up was very sad about this.

The truth about my sister's suicide was kept in the family from her elderly grandfather, worried that it would stimulate him. My parents only told her that her sister died unexpectedly abroad.

So my grandfather didn't understand why she gave up painting and why she became bad.

Before her death, my grandfather called her to the head of the bed and opened a heavy wooden box in front of her.

The box contained every painting she and her sister painted since childhood.

Grandpa said, OK, Grandpa doesn’t know why you have changed. If you can’t remember what you used to be, just look at these paintings and promise grandpa to try harder and don’t give up on the paintings you have painted for more than ten years.

In order to make the old man feel at ease, she promised her grandfather that she would give it a try, but when she saw her grandfather go, her life still didn't change much.

She still couldn't overcome the hurdle in her heart, and was still like duckweed drifting with the flow, unable to find the roots of life.

She thought she would continue like this until one day, in an inter-school painting competition, an art student who represented the school suddenly had acute appendicitis and was unable to attend the competition. She was driven to the shelves by the art teacher who valued her painting skills and was put on the shelves as a substitute.

Before that, she hadn't touched a paintbrush for a long time. That time she was on the shelves, which made her very disgusted at first.

She walked onto the field with the mentality of completing the task, but when she lifted the brush again and slapped the ink on the paper, she suddenly felt that she was really alive.

That was the first time she had truly felt that she was still alive since her sister passed away.

She finally realized how important painting is to her. Her roots are here.

After the game, she opened her grandfather's wooden box again, looked through her and her sister's paintings one by one, and cried hysterically.

Then she walked into the school's psychological counseling room and asked the psychology teacher whether she should draw again.

The psychology teacher said that you will come here and ask this question. In fact, you already have an answer in your heart. You just want to get recognition. But this is your life and you don’t need to get recognition from anyone. Before you think about whether you will be sorry for your deceased sister if you re-draw, you should first think about whether your current life is worthy of yourself. Only those who are worthy of yourself can have the qualifications and abilities to consider whether you are worthy of others.

He said, if you hesitate, it is better to do this. First try to overcome the shadow of red pigments, and treat the disease. If the disease is cured, then follow the will of God.

She was moved and began to endure the dizziness and nausea stress reaction, and used red paint to practice painting desperately.

My parents were very worried about her condition and never agreed to her regaining painting. They just wanted her to live a simple and ordinary life.

She also repeatedly doubted herself in repeated failures.

In the end, she desperately cut off the retreat from the cultural course, wasted her studies, and devoted all her energy to painting - not only cutting off the retreat for her parents, but also for herself.

Then everything gradually got better.

Although there seemed to be a missing hole in her heart, she never got close to death again.

Su Hao murmured and said, "I thought about it."

"But Zuojian himself cannot change what has happened."

"So I figured it out."

"At the beginning, I used a ridiculous reason to convince myself that tomorrow will be good, and slowly, tomorrow will be really good."

"I can come here, why can't you? You think about it more every time and wait for one more day every time, and it might be better?" Su Hao looked at Xu Zhili through the candlelight.

Xu Zhili's eyes were so full that she could not hold it. She suddenly stepped forward and gently blew out the candle.

The room was completely in darkness.

No one will see anyone crying now.

The tears that Su Hao had accumulated for a long time also began to fall.

In the darkness, she was suddenly beaten over her shoulder.

Xu Lie rubbed the wetness under her eyes with the belly of her thumb.

Her nose felt sore, and she didn't know whether it was drunk or her original intention, so she leaned forward and put her head on his shoulder.
Chapter completed!